Sunday, 7 October 2012

A writers life for me....

Some people romanticise what a writers life really is. They see a writer sitting at a desk, in a sun lit room, tapping away at their keyboard writing book after book.

I have to admit there was a time I even thought it would be like the opening scene from Murder She Wrote, you know when she's sitting at her kitchen table tapping away on an old fashioned typewriter? Yeah that.

But in reality a writers life is nothing like that. It's full of tension, and denial and drama and every other word you would never associate with "simply" writing a book.

There are times I wish it was as simple as sitting at a table in an old fashioned dark wood library and letting the words flow, but it's not. Well not in my experience.

I have been writing the third book in a series now for what feels like one million and seventy nine years.....more like a few weeks.....but I'm still stuck. Not because I hate the story, I don't, I love it and I know exactly what I want to do. The problem is that every time I come to sit down to write, I allow myself to get distracted.

Prime example, this blog post. I have the time to write yet I'm not writing the book I want I'm writing this post instead.

I know what's wrong with me, fear. Pure and simple. If you look in a dictionary the entry for fear reads:

FEAR n distress or alarm caused by impending danger or pain; something that causes distress. v be afraid of (something or someone)

And I have to say, I'm all of the above, well apart from for IMPENDING DANGER bit, cause yeah writing is not throwing yourself off of a cliff or anything.

I fear my story not because I hate it but what if you hate it? What if the publishers hate it? What if this is the book that makes people turn around and go "alright love, you've had your fun leave it to the talented people now ok?"

We like to claim that we are normal, but writers aren't. We live in our heads more then we live in the world. Even now writing this post to you, I can hear a narrative in my head, I can see the scene where there is a woman writing this post and its the beginning of a book, she's telling the story and this is how is starts.

See, not normal.

Don't get me wrong, I love what I do. Writing allows me to do things, create things, say things that I would never get away with in the "real" world. I tell stories that, I hope, allows people to leave their own "real worlds" behind for a short while and visit a place where men are tall hot and sexy ....oh and they can change in to animals... and where the women don't sit there waiting for their knight in shining armour but don the armour their own selves!

But there are days, pfft who am I kidding, there are weeks when I have no idea what the heck I am doing.

There are problems with living in your own head, number one has to be the over thinking. I have played out scenario after scenario of how I think the world will accept my books and pretty much all of them end with me living under a brigde rocking back and forth, reading invisable books to my pet bricks....yeah that's how my brain works...

There many writers that tell you their characters tell them their stories and that's how the write. To a certain extent I'm like that, but clearly my characters grew up in an area like I did and if you ask them personal questions they ask you if you are wearing a police bug and shut the heck up, giving you nothing. So you have to wait, which has never been one of my strong points, because that's when the thinking happens and you end up back under that bridge with the pet bricks.

So this is me....not writing....planning on writing....but not quite writing yet....

Yeah I know, not exactly the post you were expecting was it? Me either.....but hay I have the excuse that the voices told me too.....  well that's my defense and I am sticking to it!

Now before I go and... err not do any writing yet.... I will leave you with this

Remeber: As annoying and demanding as your Dom/me is, there is nothing they wouldn't do for you, you are their heart and they push you because you are everthing to them....remember that the next time you are standing in the corner.....just saying.







2 comments:

  1. I heart you. You say it, like i'm feeling it. I'm having the confidence/silence/procrastination bit and I just want to run off into the corner and hide. But at least I'm not alone ;)

    Good luck with it and, seriously, GO WRITE! I have a big boot and I'm not afraid to use it! lol.

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  2. Ah, Cherie, I hear you. You know I have one book like that, but I am determined to crack it this time. Taking a break to refresh my batteries and to catch up on my humongous reading pile, but once I've done that, I *will* crack that book, even if it involves chaining myself to the keyboard to achieve it.

    Perhaps we can jiggy each other along, 'cause ya know. I wanna read your book!!!

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